[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Philosophy- dying

[Janie]

Sometimes it's hard to jump into a place and discuss your deepest thoughts, but there are some things I think about and I may as well put them down where I've been invited to.

I have been given a timeline for living. I'm sort of used to it now, although I still think of it every day. It took care of that old question "Would you want to know, or not want to know." I was already told.

It changes so many things. Each day or week things get a little bit harder. You don't run out and get a boyfriend because it wouldn't be fair to drag someone else through this. You don't talk about it with those closest to you because it causes them pain. You just dance alone. And dancing alone sucks.

Another saying: "Live each day as though it were your last." A good saying, but as the end nears you get tireder, things hurt more. You don't have the strength to be the good example to everyone. Why would you want to live like that?

I hope someone will talk to me about this.

[Janie]

Know what you mean about the meds. I take them 4 times a day, and the dinner plate full thay I take at night is still working when I wake up at this God awful hour of the crack of early!

I added you on messenger. Don't be dissapointed if I am not onthere often. But if it's something urgent..yell at me on here to get on messenger, OK?

I meant Love the baby. I know it would be hard with your sister. I have some of those in my own family.

Do you have anything that supports your spine? Or your arms or legs, or can't that be done?

I am bionic. I have a defibrillator implanted that is also a pacer and a heart resynchronization device. If anything goes wrong a phone can be held in front of it and they can read it off at a hospital or the doctor's office. Last summer I was on my way to dying again, and when they implanted this I turned pink.