[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Philosophy- dying

[Janie]

Sometimes it's hard to jump into a place and discuss your deepest thoughts, but there are some things I think about and I may as well put them down where I've been invited to.

I have been given a timeline for living. I'm sort of used to it now, although I still think of it every day. It took care of that old question "Would you want to know, or not want to know." I was already told.

It changes so many things. Each day or week things get a little bit harder. You don't run out and get a boyfriend because it wouldn't be fair to drag someone else through this. You don't talk about it with those closest to you because it causes them pain. You just dance alone. And dancing alone sucks.

Another saying: "Live each day as though it were your last." A good saying, but as the end nears you get tireder, things hurt more. You don't have the strength to be the good example to everyone. Why would you want to live like that?

I hope someone will talk to me about this.

[Deepone]

hope you two can manage it.. I'm healthy, or so they say, but I kinda think that at any moment I have to be prepared for death as well. When I was small child my heart echoed or something. in other words, the other side of heart pumped later than the other or double cycles or something. Been said it was so minor it didnt need a surgery, and that it had healed on itself.
well, I dont know about that since when I was 15 or so I had a heart-attack. before and after that my heart had ached pretty badly sometimes as well. luckily, that hasnt been so often lately. Just had some trouble with my hip, due to an injury that I got from the army (and their department of insurance say that it doesnt look like its caused by the accident I had there). I havent actually lived so bad life so far, even tho I have many times been very depressed.
In the end, I kinda think I have gained something from all this. I keep going forward, try not to look too much into past.. I try to enjoy all the little things in life. That spoon theory is quite good one tho, I hope you dont mind if I post it to my friends ? maybe it will be yet another chain-letter to circle the world, but maybe some would actually understand it. kinda know of persons who would put it onward as well, but I'll wait for your permission first.
Let's enjoy all the moments we have left. We dont exactly know how many of them we still have, but its worth it to have them. We never know what happens. And well, yes, I agree that there are things that one shouldnt know. Or they can get to be a huge burden. Or, a huge reserve of energy.