As part of his yearly physical exam, the doctor requested a sp*rm count
from his 85-year-old male patient.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring
back a s*men sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened. The man explained: "Well, doc, it's
like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with
her left, but still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the
teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First
with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open".