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[Streetwise]

There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo.
She gets completely upset, and screams, “You impotent bastard,” she screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!”
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, “I’ll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids.”




A lady was vacuuming the bedroom when she hit something under the bed. When she puled the object out, she discovered it was a shiny silver box containing nine golf balls and $25,000 in cash. When her husband came home she asked, “Honey, what's with the box? There are nine golf balls and $25,000 in here.” “Well,” said her husband, “every time we’ve had bad sex, I put a golf ball in there.”
“That’s not bad,” his wife replied, “We’ve been married for 25 years and there are only nine balls, but what's with the money?”
“Well, every time I got a dozen balls, I sold them.”



A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner and facing the wall crying.
She asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” He replied: “Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16?”
“Remember,” he said, “I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years.”
Baffled, she said, “Yes.”
The husband bawled, “I would have gotten out of prison today.”



A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They hit if off, and end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is littered with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears sit on a shelf near the floor, Medium sized bears are on the next shelf up, and huge bears line the top shelf. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have so prolific a collection of teddy bears, but he opts not to make mention of it. After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”


A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s ‘the night.’ We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”
He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”


A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank you—I’m a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.""Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.""No problem," says the genie, "it’s the least I could do. And you, ma’am, what do you want?""I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife."Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you don’t mind, honey, I don’t either."
The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After he’s through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "Thirty-five," she replies."And he still believes in genies?"

[Saint26]

LOL...nice