Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+ New Speech From Pres. Bush

WHAT A LANDSLIDE VICTORY THE PERSON WOULD HAVE WHO WOULD DO THIS


It would be great to turn on the TV and see the President give the following speech:

My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American Forces from Iraq. This action will be concluded within 30 days.

It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short: The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists to all parties later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people will no longer pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France!

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets, to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.
I love New York---.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm going put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting today.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Thank you and good night.

Bush isnt smart enough to link those words together..

And as a Canadian, id be glad to not get anything from the US... except computer parts.... i need processors damnit! At least i get video cards from ATI.... Id then be spared from every american peice of propaganda, literature, and entertainment and my country could pretend to be individual again

Not that!! I love soccer. BTW, who is Canada?? :P jk....But seriously, you dont here much about canada.

The feeling is mutual with americans to. people here in the states think you guys are to slow up there :sleepy:

This post has been edited by optomos: Sep 3 2004, 03:24 AM

Thank God we are on the first list although Bush forgot to mention that. So we are going to get some goodies from the US. Yippee!!

Beasley, one of the American players playing in our soccer competition is not going to be too happy about that. I don't think I'm going to shed any tears.

Hooray for Maggie. I wholeheartedly agree

Hey, Pikaporeon

Canada gets Al-Jazeera also, can't get enough of that propaganda

Fellas remember this is a joke!

Maggietobias

This post has been edited by Maggietobias: Sep 10 2004, 11:14 PM

I'd sit up until 3am here in Australia to watch any US President go on the american Today show and make that speech .... then I'd applaud! :D
To bad Bush is too much of a dumbass to get through the first 2 sentences without screwing it up.