Qantas Airlines gripes and fixes
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| Streetwise |
 May 9 2005, 08:16 AM
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#1
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 Le Papillon  Group: Private Member Posts: 1993 Joined: 18-March 04 From: The lowlands Member No.: 12  |
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. ---------------------------------------- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. ---------------------------------------- P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. ---------------------------------------- P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. ---------------------------------------- P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ---------------------------------------- P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. ---------------------------------------- P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. ---------------------------------------- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. ---------------------------------------- P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. ---------------------------------------- P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. ---------------------------------------- P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. ---------------------------------------- P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. ---------------------------------------- P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. ---------------------------------------- P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. ---------------------------------------- P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget --------------------  |
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| captbics |
May 9 2005, 11:05 AM
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#2
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 nFm [ Level 1 ] Group: Full Member Posts: 217 Joined: 24-April 04 Member No.: 90 |
Those are good....
captbics -------------------- O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won... (Dead Poet's Society) (Walt Whitman) |
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| Rogue Znowman |
May 12 2005, 06:01 AM
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#3
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 "Seriously" Group: Private Member Posts: 505 Joined: 19-March 04 Member No.: 42 |
Damn midgits... always causing trouble!
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| mcelb1200 |
May 12 2005, 10:30 AM
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#4
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 nFm [ Level 1 ] Group: Full Member Posts: 240 Joined: 29-April 04 From: Melbourne, Australia Member No.: 94 |
mcelb1200's excessive alcohol intake says...
"That's a Pisser!!!!" "I lurrve you guys!" --------------------  ... just let me see if I can get that log out of your eye... |
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| Deepone |
May 13 2005, 07:09 PM
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#5
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The One Deep Down Group: Private Member Posts: 1137 Joined: 12-May 04 From: Masala / Kirkkonummi / Finland Member No.: 101 |
good one :)
-------------------- This person is best talked to with the help of a computer..
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