Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+ Philosophy- dying

Sometimes it's hard to jump into a place and discuss your deepest thoughts, but there are some things I think about and I may as well put them down where I've been invited to.

I have been given a timeline for living. I'm sort of used to it now, although I still think of it every day. It took care of that old question "Would you want to know, or not want to know." I was already told.

It changes so many things. Each day or week things get a little bit harder. You don't run out and get a boyfriend because it wouldn't be fair to drag someone else through this. You don't talk about it with those closest to you because it causes them pain. You just dance alone. And dancing alone sucks.

Another saying: "Live each day as though it were your last." A good saying, but as the end nears you get tireder, things hurt more. You don't have the strength to be the good example to everyone. Why would you want to live like that?

I hope someone will talk to me about this.

Been given a timeline for living? That must be tough to live with. So what is the reason for this timeline? Jeeeezus Christ I would have never imagined that somebody so full of life is counting her days. Can you tell us more?

I have spinal muscle atrophy. Since i was born i knew i was'nt going to live long.

80% die before the age of 6. Now i am 18, can't lift my Arms, hardly swallow or chew stuff, didn't leave house for 5 years(I can't).

I am alone, 24hours a day in my room, without Future.

It's going to end soon, my muscles die, the Heart is one big muscle.

I didn't tell this to say i am in the worse situation. i just try to show peeps that they have alot more.

Your Age ... you are "old", i will never reach that age, if i have luck i get 20. I will never have a daughter, the most thing i wish for. And every night i go to my bed, it's cold, dark ... but i learned to enjoy the darkness.

Face your end, but don't care about it, you seem to be a really lively person. You have persons around you to share the burden, i don't :) My father cheated on my mum, my sister bashed at my mother so i tried to guard her and got my bones broken. My mother is ill aswell, not as hard as me but hard enough ...


Sorry for my english :(

Ratrap, you have people out here. And if not before, you do now. You have me at least, not saying it's perfect, but it's something.

When I was 46 I had the kind of heart attack thay call "The Widowmaker". Most people don't survive it. I did. But I did with 50% of my heart muscle killed off. At 46 they told me "5 Years." I figure if I make it 5 and a day I'll thumb my nose at them.

Many people try to tell me that, but reality looks different.

I get along with humans pretty easy, but i don't like to. That's why i am alone, loyality is important to me, and so far no one has been loyal to me.

You seem to be a fighter, so i won't spit out stuff like don't give up etc ... you will do it ;)

Omg Ratrap, I had no idea. Well what can I say to the 2 of you? There's a lot of sadness in the world....

The sad part is the getting there. I've already been to "the other side". No fears there.

Ratrap...you go ahead with what you're doing. friendship and trust don't come easy...but I'll keep trying. That's the nature of me.

Ah why sadness? It's a shitty life, but it's MINE! :D

Yeah ... trust is something expansive.

There ya go!

And, ya got a half way good sense of humor...but it needs work! :whistle: :boxing: :laughing:

You mean literally You've been to the other side???
What were the angels like ;) (don't answer that. just working on my sense of humour :D)

Is it just me or do women like to play with emotes? :P

I haven't been at the other side yet, i am really curious ...

Does that mean you guys want to "philosophize" about what i saw...or keep it to myself?

I would say that was another good topic. The phychology of women and little yellow heads.

This post has been edited by Janie: Oct 21 2005, 03:44 PM

If you like to share your experience, go ahead.

We Lonewolfs get wise that way :P

I seriously want to know what you saw. I was joking about the angels.

I was in an ambulance going to the hospital, having the second heart attack right on top of the first one. I can't explain the pain to you, only that it was more than a body can bear. I remember thinking that I wanted to die because I couldn't hold up under any more of it. Lifetimes later, or it could have been just moments I was not there any more.

There was a mountain before me made of pure light. Like the pain, a thing which cannot be adequately described. I saw glowing trees on it, and roots sticking out from the rocks. Near my feet was a river. It reflected all this beauty from the mountain. While looking in the river I felt others around me. Looking up I saw many people that I knew. My parents and grandparents. My Brother. My daughter. Neighbors from my childhood. And also some people I didn't recognize in appearance, but I did in heart.

I was surrounded and infused with their love, we communicated without words. How much I had missed them. How at home I felt now.

My brother stepped forward. He held out his arms and I was enclosed in his army jacket. I could feel his warmth and I could smell him. I took in deep breaths of him. He told me I would have to go back this time, but the next time it would be up to me.

The next thing I remember is being in the hospital, machines all hooked up to me, alarms going off, people shouting and lights blaring. And I was absolutely enraged at having to be there.