Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+ Philosophy- dying

[Ratrap]

Sounds wonderful, all i see is NOTHING when my pain is that much.

I believe that if god exists he won't let me see things like that, because he is scared of me. I hate him, so much. There is so much Suffering in the world and he just watchs it. If he created us he should take care of us.

a daughter ...?

[Streetwise]

Wow....and yes did you have a daughter? Any kids who are still alive?

[Janie]

Ratrap...I was so angry with God when my daughter died! I hated him more than anything in the world. But I guess he's big enough to take it. I understand what you're saying.

My daughter Nicole died. She would have been 24 now. When she lived she lived with every bone in her body broken, rebroken, so much pain.
I have 3 other children. Erin is 31, Trey and Kara are 20. Erin is the mother of my two granddaughters. Morgan is 4 and Paige is 6.

[Ratrap]

Big family nice.

Do you see them often?

[Janie]

Not very often since I moved to Arkansas. Erin lives in Maine, and I went there in July. They may be coming here for a visit in February.

Trey and Kara are in NY, and doing their 20 year old things. College, work, bands, etc. I figure someday they will remember Mom is important for something.

How about you? Who is in your home? Why have you always wanted a daughter?

[Ratrap]

My mother is living here with her new husband and takes care of me ... well 1hour a day for bringing me to bed.

Why? Well ... i want to put effort into something, to know that a part of my family didn't suffer ... But that's impossible i guess, since i can't offer something to a child, money, doing stuff with her like going out etc ...

And i like girls, they are beasty but cute ... :P Too bad my time is running out ^^

Edit: My sister will get a baby with the age of 17 in march, and i know it will suffer because she is sick, and to know you can't do anything drives me crazy ...

This post has been edited by Ratrap: Oct 22 2005, 03:44 PM

[Janie]

Does your sister have spinal muscle atrophy as well? Can you tell me a little about it? That's one I never heard of.

[Ratrap]

Nah she is fine but a psycho, as said she went bashing at m ymother and stuff.

SMA muscle weakness ... my muscles are dieing, right now i can't lift a tup of tea and my arms only a little. They will die until my lungs or my heart is too weak.

http://www.mda.org.au/specific/mdasma.html

I am a mixed up type of all.

[Janie]

Sorry it took so long to respond Ratrap. Company stopped over.

I read the web site. Are you in a wheelchair? And is this a form of Muscular Dystrophy? Because that association was mentioned twice.

The other thing i wanted to tell you about, and maybe you'd consider joining in, is a group I've started through my blog page. It's for Terminal People. We also have some members who are just supportive, or extremely ill but not terminal. Sure not a lot of members, nothing to be overwhelmed by. Just let me know if you want web addresses, OK?

It's too bad that your sister is throwing away her life like that. Maybe she will grow someday, before it's too late for that baby. I'm sure you can help by just loving her.

[Ratrap]

Well if i can't lift my arms i can't walk i guess :D
So yes wheelchair.

I am not good at that stuff, but i can take a look at your site :)

Believe me, you can't help my sister. How do you love something so pure evil?

It's no form of a Muscular Dystrophy. It's very rare, and a Muscular Dystrophy is not that rare.

Ah just woke up :S and i love being under so much meds :ph34r:

[Janie]

Know what you mean about the meds. I take them 4 times a day, and the dinner plate full thay I take at night is still working when I wake up at this God awful hour of the crack of early!

I added you on messenger. Don't be dissapointed if I am not onthere often. But if it's something urgent..yell at me on here to get on messenger, OK?

I meant Love the baby. I know it would be hard with your sister. I have some of those in my own family.

Do you have anything that supports your spine? Or your arms or legs, or can't that be done?

I am bionic. I have a defibrillator implanted that is also a pacer and a heart resynchronization device. If anything goes wrong a phone can be held in front of it and they can read it off at a hospital or the doctor's office. Last summer I was on my way to dying again, and when they implanted this I turned pink.

[Janie]

OOps! This is my site: My Webpage

You may be able to look at the group by clicking on it. It's towards the bottom of the page under my kids picture. it's called "Love and Light with grieving".

[Ratrap]

Wow, nice site!

Well i don't have contact to that part of my family so i won't get the chance to love the baby :(

[Janie]

I'm sorry about that Ratrap. I know it would mean everything to you to have a relationship with the baby.

[Ratrap]

Yeah, thanks.

Well i will hope that she becomes more mature and doesn't let her baby suffer ...