Under fire from European governments the U.S. announced today that instead
of secret overseas flights, interrogators are considering a new contract
with Airbus.

"We think it has real possibilities," said an unnamed CIA official, "stand
people up against a wall, strap them to a board, and fly them at 30,000
feet for five hours surrounded by people talking on cell phones. It's
way, way ahead of anything we're working on now.

"For the tougher cases we can always slip into a holding pattern over
Chicago. However, our attorneys have advised us that showing Deuce
Bigalow as an in-flight movie would violate the Geneva Conventions."