"Caloric"
It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise,
but until now nobody has made a scientific study of the caloric content of
different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research
*they* are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.......................................12 Calories
Without her consent........................2187 Calories

TAKING OFF HER BRA:
With both hands........................................8 Calories
With one hand...........................................12 Calories
With your teeth...................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection........................................6 Calories
Without an erection.......................3315 Calories


POSITIONS:
Missionary..................12 Calories
69 lying down...................................78 Calories
69 standing up...............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.....................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.....................2912 Calories


ORGASMS:
Real..........................112 Calories
Fake.....................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.................................18 Calories
Getting up immediately........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are: 20-29 years..............36 Calories
30-39 years..........................................80 Calories
40-49 years................................ ..124 Calories
50-59 years.....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years.....................................7916 Calories
70 and over.........................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.....................................................32 Calories
In a hurry.................................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

Results may vary


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away.