man, i drink too much, smoke too much.

fuck, i have calluses on my fingers from opening beer bottles too often, and nicotine stains on my fingers from smoking too much...im only fucking 20 years old...

i hear stories of youth suicide, and i dont think 'damn, thats unfortunate', but instead think of how fucked things can be, how emotion, money, and life can get me down, nad how im not alone, but alive...

why do i find life so hard as to resort to this crap? why do i listen to music that to most is depressing, but to me lifts me up for the companionship it provides for the feeling of depression that overwhlems me. fuck it why!?!?!?!?!

me, rant, needed to type this, dont care if you respond, just needed it...

Hey I've been through that phase too and you'd better pull yourself out of it coz if you don't it can become second nature and you would be like in and out of depressive spells all the time. Pulling yourself out of it is easier said than done. To begin with stop listening to depressive music and watching movies that have the same effect. Don't philosophise too much about things like the meaning life and how difficult it can be and so on. In fact avoid all "deep" discussions (with yourself and with others) and try to adapt a happy-go-lucky attitude. I hope the administration of the board is not becoming too much for you (I've noticed that it's been a hectic time for you lately) and if it is be very open and frank about it. And don't be ashamed to consult a psychologist.

thanks for your concern mate.

first of all, nForums provides a needed release for me. its never a stress

secondly, i've tried that, but attempts to move on seem to lead to inappropriate outbursts, and i think otherwise when attempting that.

also, i have seen professionals about this, and all they seem to recommend are drugs...fuck that. i am what i am, and im not into drugs to fix me...

as for depressing music, i seem to find that as a relative problem. i dont really listen to anything on a related topic, in fact some of my friends find it uplifting.

my problems seem to stem from the obscure...

i have money, full education, a high-paying job etc etc

my girlfriend is a social worker, so hence i know there are people much worse off than me, but yet i still struggle...

so far art work is my only release...

Artistic types are usually sensitive and prone to what you are going through. It's usually difficult to find the cause of your depression. When you think about it you've got everything an average guy would want. You are right about the professionals prescribing drugs. The possitive side about drugs like Prosac is that they bring you into a mood where you can see life in a different light (normally you are too depressed to see it that way). And looking on the bright side of life can become second nature. At that point you don't need the drugs any more. There are very few therapists who give you "coaching" without prescribing drugs. I have a colleague who has found such a therapist. Anyway I would stay open to all kinds of treatment. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Been there on a few occasions so Im talking from experience. The one thing that helped me the most was counsel. Be it a professional psychiatrist or a good social work counseller. Sometimes all you need to do is purge yourself of all the negitive stuff that builds up inside. If you have the money, I would highly recommend seeing a good psychiatrist, because they can help you to interpret your internal/subconscious emotions, and eliminate that feeling of helplessness. It worked for me!

Sometimes when everything is right peeps strugle the most. They actualy strugle coz they don't have any probs to focus on. So they are kinda lost as of what to do. The only solution to this is to find something and work on that. Or do as I do, head for the internet and try helping others

thanks guys. i feel much better today...well, not much better, but a whole heap happier for now

DK, Kilroy: im thirding that motion

Clinical depression is often not the result of your environment or will but a lack of free neurotransmitters (e.g., serotonin, norepinephrine) in your body. Being the problem is often organic, the solution often is also. Members of my family swear by Effexor. These are not "happy" pills . . . they are "normal" pills.

Studies show that the most effective treatments are both drugs and counseling.

So if i understand you right, if you are suffering from Clinical depression you have to take pills all your life.

As others have said, many times it can be a phase .... at around that same age I had moved out of home to a new city, had a great job, active social life and a great bunch of friends - but some nights I would just tell my friends I had something else to do, and I would sit on the boot of my car in my open garage, in the dark, wearing headphones playing either heavy or depressive music, smoking and drinking a bottle of bourbon from start to finish - for hours - contemplating my life and thinking whether I'll ever achieve real happiness - or whether it was even worth waking up the next morning
I moved past that phase over time ... quite a long time though ....
Then, when I found out I had cancer I feel into a deep DEEP depression to the point where I almost topped myself that very night (broke pretty much every plate and glass in my house).... made it through that night and a few more with the help of booze ... but when I started treatment and saw the kids in the hospital being treated for leukemia it gave me some perspective and I battled through it. I'm currently in remission and happy with my life, but I still enjoy sitting in the dark listening to music and drinking occasionally.

Can somebody change the title of the thread? It's extreme; kind of hits me every time i read it.

The topic title is up to BM...btw it suits his first post....

I edited my previous post and expanded on it some.

I need to leave for work soon but can post further upon my return.

Some life events (e.g., divorce, death, to a lesser extent moving, changing jobs) cause what I would call "normal" depression . . . a normal and expected reaction to the environment and the psychological assault. The maddening part of clinical depression is enduring those feelings in absence of such stimuli.

Xanax is an anti anxiety pill but it gives people a false sense of well being hence I informally label it as a "happy" pill. Antidepressents aim to and often succeed in making one fell "normal." One still feels joy and despair as is appropriate to their circumstaces. What is removed is feelings of hopelessness and despair that is inapproriate (and otherwise unexplained) to their circumstances.

Depressed people should NEVER take Exstacy (illicit drug) . . . actually no one should but it is especially dangerous for people who are clinically depressed. Exstacy works similar to a antidepressent but in a harmful way. Antidepressents raise levels of free neurotransmitters by limiting their reabsorbtion. Exstacy causes your body to dump them all at once often leaving you bankrupt of them after the high. Clinically depressed people already have low levels and definitely cannot afford this.

I definitely agree that doing some kind of volunteer work is definitely therapeutic. It might be a hard thing to do when you just want to throw the covers over your head and disappear but if you are like most people, you will be rewarded . . . not just in a nonselfish way but selfishly too. It is surprising just how much people feel better afterwards.

Late for work . . .

hm.. I remember one day at school: a girl smiled for me while passing by (propably it was just for someone else but anyway.. it felt like she smiled for me). this caused me to think about that smile quite a lot. later I came to conclusion that I wanted to smile to others so that they might feel as good as I felt when I saw that smile. for some reason I now have about constant smile on my face..
plus, lately, I have been reading one book. one tip it said about smiling is this...

Amourdevin pointed out: