Hope they still are funny 
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It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the local zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt.
The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape (no pun intended.) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.
She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him", he says.... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips.
Then the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.
"Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
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Hello" Says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause Dad says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone,run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone."Well,I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well,Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the front steps and she's just lying there. Her neck is at a funny angle. I think she's dead."
"Oh my god... And what about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and is just lying there, not moving. He may be dead too."
There is a long pause, then Dad says, "Swimming pool... Is this 854-7059?"