[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ killing myself...

[Blue_Muppet]

man, i drink too much, smoke too much.

fuck, i have calluses on my fingers from opening beer bottles too often, and nicotine stains on my fingers from smoking too much...im only fucking 20 years old...

i hear stories of youth suicide, and i dont think 'damn, thats unfortunate', but instead think of how fucked things can be, how emotion, money, and life can get me down, nad how im not alone, but alive...

why do i find life so hard as to resort to this crap? why do i listen to music that to most is depressing, but to me lifts me up for the companionship it provides for the feeling of depression that overwhlems me. fuck it why!?!?!?!?!

me, rant, needed to type this, dont care if you respond, just needed it...

[Streetwise]

Hey I've been through that phase too and you'd better pull yourself out of it coz if you don't it can become second nature and you would be like in and out of depressive spells all the time. Pulling yourself out of it is easier said than done. To begin with stop listening to depressive music and watching movies that have the same effect. Don't philosophise too much about things like the meaning life and how difficult it can be and so on. In fact avoid all "deep" discussions (with yourself and with others) and try to adapt a happy-go-lucky attitude. I hope the administration of the board is not becoming too much for you (I've noticed that it's been a hectic time for you lately) and if it is be very open and frank about it. And don't be ashamed to consult a psychologist.