[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ killing myself...

[Blue_Muppet]

man, i drink too much, smoke too much.

fuck, i have calluses on my fingers from opening beer bottles too often, and nicotine stains on my fingers from smoking too much...im only fucking 20 years old...

i hear stories of youth suicide, and i dont think 'damn, thats unfortunate', but instead think of how fucked things can be, how emotion, money, and life can get me down, nad how im not alone, but alive...

why do i find life so hard as to resort to this crap? why do i listen to music that to most is depressing, but to me lifts me up for the companionship it provides for the feeling of depression that overwhlems me. fuck it why!?!?!?!?!

me, rant, needed to type this, dont care if you respond, just needed it...

[Blue_Muppet]

thanks for your concern mate.

first of all, nForums provides a needed release for me. its never a stress :)

secondly, i've tried that, but attempts to move on seem to lead to inappropriate outbursts, and i think otherwise when attempting that.

also, i have seen professionals about this, and all they seem to recommend are drugs...fuck that. i am what i am, and im not into drugs to fix me...

as for depressing music, i seem to find that as a relative problem. i dont really listen to anything on a related topic, in fact some of my friends find it uplifting.

my problems seem to stem from the obscure...

i have money, full education, a high-paying job etc etc

my girlfriend is a social worker, so hence i know there are people much worse off than me, but yet i still struggle...

so far art work is my only release...