[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ killing myself...

[Blue_Muppet]

man, i drink too much, smoke too much.

fuck, i have calluses on my fingers from opening beer bottles too often, and nicotine stains on my fingers from smoking too much...im only fucking 20 years old...

i hear stories of youth suicide, and i dont think 'damn, thats unfortunate', but instead think of how fucked things can be, how emotion, money, and life can get me down, nad how im not alone, but alive...

why do i find life so hard as to resort to this crap? why do i listen to music that to most is depressing, but to me lifts me up for the companionship it provides for the feeling of depression that overwhlems me. fuck it why!?!?!?!?!

me, rant, needed to type this, dont care if you respond, just needed it...

[Streetwise]

Artistic types are usually sensitive and prone to what you are going through. It's usually difficult to find the cause of your depression. When you think about it you've got everything an average guy would want. You are right about the professionals prescribing drugs. The possitive side about drugs like Prosac is that they bring you into a mood where you can see life in a different light (normally you are too depressed to see it that way). And looking on the bright side of life can become second nature. At that point you don't need the drugs any more. There are very few therapists who give you "coaching" without prescribing drugs. I have a colleague who has found such a therapist. Anyway I would stay open to all kinds of treatment. Good luck with whatever you decide.