[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Not very deep but...

[Janie]

...I hate today, I hate this stuff that keeps happening.
I was in the hospital today with my Oh so cheerful hospital demeanor. The one that's something like "Go ahead, I can take some more bad news. After all, I am strong and heroic!"
So, I have a myelogram, because I can't have an MRI with this defibrillator implant. Myelograms are painful. I even yelled at one point when the pain was shooting down my legs and they made me roll over. I don't usually yell.
I have a disk cutting off some nerves that go down my legs. It's been hurting me to stand.
One more thing wrong. I want to yell and cry and beat something up, but instead I have to put on the smile and be oh so heroic Janie, who can take anything.
I hate this!!!

[Deepone]

hm.. at one point I was .. having some hard time. didnt have anyone to get into me, had this so called shield around my heart if you know what I mean. and I mean in the class of nuclear shelters shields, way over those too. so, long story short, I just said evil stuff to ppl, no matter what they did I always had something witty to say. like when someone cursed "f*ck" I replied "you in that bad need of it ?" - this quickly earned me a reputation of "prophet" at the school.. high school that is. that's kinda funny memento these days :) anyway.. later on I've got to loosen up, and found that good.
but Janie, I'm askin the same as ratrap, what's the need ? I know I didnt anymore give a damn about anythin and that's why I started to do whatever I thought to do, without further thoughts. have done some very stupid things, but well, at least I've got something to laugh at... myself =) these days I have people and things I care a lot about, thought. still kinda like that, for other reasons tho. cuz I feel its good thing for me.
and ratrap, why you want to be that way ? :)