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[Janie]

...I hate today, I hate this stuff that keeps happening.
I was in the hospital today with my Oh so cheerful hospital demeanor. The one that's something like "Go ahead, I can take some more bad news. After all, I am strong and heroic!"
So, I have a myelogram, because I can't have an MRI with this defibrillator implant. Myelograms are painful. I even yelled at one point when the pain was shooting down my legs and they made me roll over. I don't usually yell.
I have a disk cutting off some nerves that go down my legs. It's been hurting me to stand.
One more thing wrong. I want to yell and cry and beat something up, but instead I have to put on the smile and be oh so heroic Janie, who can take anything.
I hate this!!!

[Janie]

I am this way because I've never thrown temper tantrums in public I guess. Plus, it can be a little scary being a crab ass with the people who hold the ability to cause a lot of pain, to make you well or not.
Most of the time, believe it or not, I hug them. And that's because I want to. I guess it's a small reminder that I am a human being, not just a case file.
I got upset at home today. It's nobody's fault that my body is falling apart.