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[Janie]

...I hate today, I hate this stuff that keeps happening.
I was in the hospital today with my Oh so cheerful hospital demeanor. The one that's something like "Go ahead, I can take some more bad news. After all, I am strong and heroic!"
So, I have a myelogram, because I can't have an MRI with this defibrillator implant. Myelograms are painful. I even yelled at one point when the pain was shooting down my legs and they made me roll over. I don't usually yell.
I have a disk cutting off some nerves that go down my legs. It's been hurting me to stand.
One more thing wrong. I want to yell and cry and beat something up, but instead I have to put on the smile and be oh so heroic Janie, who can take anything.
I hate this!!!

[Janie]

I got the results of my myelogram a few days ago. It's taken this long for it all to sink in.
I was expecting the doc to say I had a disk poking out. He did. He also had a load of other news for me. My entire spine is degenerating. The vertebrae are compressing, there is calcification in the spinal column and in the ligaments. It is full of arthritis. On top of that I got the great news that it will continue to degenerate and get worse.
My Dad ended up not being able to stand or walk because of this same thing.
I have the choice of going to see the neurosurgeon, or seeing a pain control doctor. I chose the pain control. I go for surgery if that doesn't work.
But, for today, I am the same as I was last week, and the month before.