[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ killing myself...

man, i drink too much, smoke too much.

fuck, i have calluses on my fingers from opening beer bottles too often, and nicotine stains on my fingers from smoking too much...im only fucking 20 years old...

i hear stories of youth suicide, and i dont think 'damn, thats unfortunate', but instead think of how fucked things can be, how emotion, money, and life can get me down, nad how im not alone, but alive...

why do i find life so hard as to resort to this crap? why do i listen to music that to most is depressing, but to me lifts me up for the companionship it provides for the feeling of depression that overwhlems me. fuck it why!?!?!?!?!

me, rant, needed to type this, dont care if you respond, just needed it...

Can somebody change the title of the thread? It's extreme; kind of hits me every time i read it.

And what after the long periods of remission. Back on drugs? And what is the difference between "happy" pils and "normal" pils? Has it to do with how you feel after taking the pills? I'm curious because i read in the magazine "Psychology" some time back that some people's bodies do not make enough neurotransmitters so they have to take pills to compensate that which is more or less what you are saying.

Those of you who find this thread too depressive, sorry, but this is also part of life.