[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ killing myself...

[Blue_Muppet]

man, i drink too much, smoke too much.

fuck, i have calluses on my fingers from opening beer bottles too often, and nicotine stains on my fingers from smoking too much...im only fucking 20 years old...

i hear stories of youth suicide, and i dont think 'damn, thats unfortunate', but instead think of how fucked things can be, how emotion, money, and life can get me down, nad how im not alone, but alive...

why do i find life so hard as to resort to this crap? why do i listen to music that to most is depressing, but to me lifts me up for the companionship it provides for the feeling of depression that overwhlems me. fuck it why!?!?!?!?!

me, rant, needed to type this, dont care if you respond, just needed it...

[amourdevin]

I edited my previous post and expanded on it some.

I need to leave for work soon but can post further upon my return.

Some life events (e.g., divorce, death, to a lesser extent moving, changing jobs) cause what I would call "normal" depression . . . a normal and expected reaction to the environment and the psychological assault. The maddening part of clinical depression is enduring those feelings in absence of such stimuli.

Xanax is an anti anxiety pill but it gives people a false sense of well being hence I informally label it as a "happy" pill. Antidepressents aim to and often succeed in making one fell "normal." One still feels joy and despair as is appropriate to their circumstaces. What is removed is feelings of hopelessness and despair that is inapproriate (and otherwise unexplained) to their circumstances.

Depressed people should NEVER take Exstacy (illicit drug) . . . actually no one should but it is especially dangerous for people who are clinically depressed. Exstacy works similar to a antidepressent but in a harmful way. Antidepressents raise levels of free neurotransmitters by limiting their reabsorbtion. Exstacy causes your body to dump them all at once often leaving you bankrupt of them after the high. Clinically depressed people already have low levels and definitely cannot afford this.

I definitely agree that doing some kind of volunteer work is definitely therapeutic. It might be a hard thing to do when you just want to throw the covers over your head and disappear but if you are like most people, you will be rewarded . . . not just in a nonselfish way but selfishly too. It is surprising just how much people feel better afterwards.

Late for work . . .